DBS Crew Blog

I’m only 30 minutes into the new day and I’m already feeling tired. I know I shouldn’t be up this late. Staying up this late only spells trouble for me. You see, I’ve always had a hard time falling asleep. If I stay up too late, my mind tends to spin out of control and it takes forever for me to bring it back to center. Of course, it doesn’t help that I decided to stuff a fistful of chocolate covered pretzels in my mouth a few minutes ago.

I’ve decided to write my first post today because I’ve had a lot on mind as of late. Writing has always been a great outlet for me whenever I’ve felt the need to release some pent up tension or energy. And for those of you in the know, I’ve been growing through some major external struggles recently. Times are changing – and they’re changing fast. I’m turning 30 in a little over a month. My body isn’t as spry as it used to be, my hair feels like it’s starting to thin, and to top it all off, my doctor told me the other day that I have high cholesterol. But that’s not what’s bothering me. What’s bothering me is that I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I’m no longer that kid brimming with potential. I’m a big sports fan. And the only way I can explain how I feel is this – think back to when Kobe Bryant first got drafted by the Charlotte Hornets. Remember how everyone was saying that this high school kid had the potential of being one of the greatest basketball players ever to set foot on the court? Well, I feel like I’m no longer that kid that got drafted in high school.

Now, I’m not saying that life ends at 30. Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves here, buddy. I’ve accomplished all that I’ve set out to do before 30. I wanted to graduate college. Check. I wanted to get accepted to a doctorate program at a reputable university. Check. I wanted to travel the world. Check and Check. I wanted to establish myself as a working actor. Check. And I wanted to find someone who I can share everything that life can throw at me. Double Check. And I have plenty more goals set to accomplish.

I’m simply saying that by now, most of you have had a moment of stillness where you’ve finally thought about your own mortality. Even if that moment was just a fleeting memory where you’ve said to yourself, “Holy Shit! Wasn’t I just 21 the other day?! How the fuck did I get here?!” I’m sure it happened right after the last bite of that Tommy’s Burger you know you shouldn’t have eaten and right before you heard your arteries scream at you for eating said burger.

We’re not getting any younger. And for the first time in my life, I’m finally starting to understand why my parents would always urge me to strive for things that are further than what I can see over the horizon. Because life will often times pass right by you. And you need to make the best of it before you become the next Michael Olowakandi instead of the next Michael Jordan.

Fortunately for me, I haven’t had too many of those moments where I felt like life was passing me by. So Michael Olowakandi can kiss my ass. But even still, I have been feeling like I haven’t been putting my best foot forward. And I think that’s what’s most important in order to have peace of mind at the end of the day.

This past weekend, I got to hang out with some of my closest friends to celebrate two bachelor parties. Sure, there was a lot of male bonding going around. But what I got out of it was more than just a few memories that I can stockpile and recall at moments notice whenever we all get together again. I got a fistful of perspective. It allowed me to regain some of that excitement that I had when I first realized how much potential I had. I needed that. And it’s also comforting to know that life doesn’t always have to be covered in chocolate. Because if it is, it’ll fucking keep you up all night.